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A New Year's Eve Reflection

As I reflect back on this year, there’s a lot to take in. One of my goals at the beginning of the year was to write more, which I did, but I took a pause on my blog at the end of May. As I hit about 10 weeks postpartum, I was deep in a rut I felt stuck in. Postpartum depression and anxiety seemed so overbearing at times that even the thought of writing felt like an enormous, daunting task. So, I kept my sharing to short reflections on social media, which felt like enough of a release to expose what I was going through.

Today is the last day of 2019 and the first day I have written anything for since May 1st! It feels good. I feel more settled…older, wiser, calmer, more experienced. My anchor word for 2020 is “Harmony.” My motto for the new year is, “Hindsight is 20/20,” which really means that when I look back at what I’ve experienced, struggled with, and grown from, I gain incredibly valuable clarity which can spark momentum into the future. I’m excited to enter into this next decade feeling more capable and complete.

Ten years ago, I was newly engaged to a man I was never destined to end up with (obviously not to my current husband/baby-daddy/twin flame/soul mate), had just started my business with absolutely no experience being a business owner or manager before, was still working my corporate 9-5, my grandpa had recently passed away, and I was living a life filled with doubt, deceit, and delusion because the direction I was heading in was so completely off course! Yikes!! How exhausting just to think about…gives me that tight, I can’t breathe feeling in my chest.

Isn’t it amazing how much of life you can live in a decade? Ten years is a transformative amount of time, and as cliché as it sounds, I feel like I have finally emerged as the butterfly I have been struggling all my life to become. I always thought that “if I just had _______ ,” I would be happier, feel more fulfilled, have “made it,” etc. Oh boy, was I wrong!

With everything I’ve gone through, and the thousands of mistakes I’ve made, there is one thing I know for sure: my children came into my life at just the right time, as they were destined to. I was already walking the yellow brick road, but bringing them into my world helped me fiercely stay the course and fight to become the best version of myself that I could ever be. It’s still a fight every day – hello toddler testing my patience at every turn– but it’s one that I now not only do for myself but more so for my family.

So as the clock turns, and I embark on a new year – a chance to start fresh, set intentions, and chase after even bigger goals, I’m taking each step with a new sense of ease, flow, and certainty. Allowing myself to let go of the “what-ifs” or “should-haves,” and embracing “what is.” Harmony – my ideas, feelings, and actions working together in a peaceful, pleasing way. That’s powerful!!

What are you carrying into the New Year?

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